Is this this bad? question abt the IN LAWS!?

My son is 20 months and i live in tennessee my in laws live in georgia and i HATE them so freaking much theyre always calling me asking if they can come get my son for like a week or two and im always making excusses for them not to have him they have maybe kept him 3 times total and only once for one week i swear i cant stand them and if i dont say yes to them coming to get my son theyll cnstantly keep asking me over and over again i have never told them i hate them and when i see them i put on a completely diffrent act i never have anyone but me watch my son other than maybe two times i let my aunt watch him but for no longer than one night i dnt want people having my son i want him for myself and yes i understand when he gets older going to a friends house and ya when he gets older letting him go to my in laws but i really dont want him going there now i honestly think hes to young maybe when hes 4 or 5 id be okay with it but i dont want him going i literally cry my eyes out when he goes and i told them they can only have him for a week since hes got a doctors apointment the next week and theyre like well we keep him til the day before his dr apointment uh no! last time tht crap happened theyre like just reschedule ya no! plus when he goes down there he comes bacl and acts like he doesnt no me so i feel like hes forgotten me plus his bedtime routine gets thrown out the door and they wont let him feed himself they have to set him on their lap and feed him and yes they have a highchair and he can feed himself last time he went was in feb and it took me forever before i got him back into his bedroom routine also now im potty training him and i have a feeling theyll mess that up too also i feel as if they just want to show him off bc the only time they want him is wen they are going somewhere where all her friends will be there they also have a pool and their daughter is like twelve and they let her hold him and shes dropped him like a million times and shes also let him fall off a high bed with hard floors so im afraid theyre gona let her take him in he pool and he will drown omg im going crazy their daughter is 12 and just now sleeping in her own bed but her parents have to be right next door and both doors have to be open or she wont sleep in her own bed ... anyway wat do u think i shuld do is this bad of me?